THE GIBBERING GRANNY

We were learning this 'hinglish' poem called 'A Farewell Party for Miss Puspa T.S.' two years ago, when we are asked to attempt a 'hinglish' poem ourselves. I wrote one about my grandmother [ajji], though she never attempts to speak in english [ her hindi is atrocious enough.] However she does pronounce 'skipping' as 'SPIKKING' and 'coca-cola' 'CHOCOCO LA'

Some instances, like the serious blunders she makes while calling the shopkeeper is translated from her conversations in Hindi. Through most of the poem, I've tried to imagine what blunders she'd make if she attempted to skep, I mean speak, english.

I'm not really proud of the poem. I wrote it two years ago and it seems very childish to me now. Nevertheless, read on....

P.S. I'd like to thank Ajji for taking this in good spirits....

“ONLY SLEEPING AND READING, EATING NOT COOKING,
RHEAA DARLING, WHEN YOU DOING YOUR SPIKKING?”
“READING BOOKS LIKE RAMAYANNA
AND AMAR CHITRA KATHA [ACTS PROUD]
RHEAA WOULD YOU LIKE CHOCOCO LA?”

“COULD YOU DO ME A FAVOUR?
TAKE IT, PLEASE OUT OF THE MICROWAY
THEN WE CAN ALL EAT THE CAGE.
GOOD, NOW KEEP THREE PLATES, TABLE,
DON’T DWEDDLE, BE ESTABLE.”

“BABY, SOME GUESTS ARE COMING, TAP, TAP [ON MY SHOULDER]
CAN YOU ORDER THE KATRI FROM THE SHOP?
OK,OK FINE, FINE , BUSY NO? CALLING MYSELF, NO TENSION,

“ HELLO, YES, I WANT A PACKET OF CHISPS, BEHIND, THREE PACKETS OF BUISUITS, BEHIND, PEDAS, IN PUSPA BHUVAN, 168, COLABA WEST, ROOM NO. TWO, FLOUR? COME UP WITH THE STUFF AND THEN I’LL GIVE FLOUR”

“ RHEAA DARLING, FOOD NOT COME YET,
WILL YOU HELP ME RULE THE LADOOS?”

NAMASTE, MR AND MRS. LOVEORWISHY, LETS SIT IN THE HOLE.
OH YES, FORGOT, THIS IS MY GRANDDAUGHTER,
EATING YOU FINISHED?
YOU KNOW, SHE LIKE ME,
SKEPING VERY GOOD ENGLISH.